My Breast Cancer Update: 8 infusions down. 8 more to go.

Someone in the infusion suite is celebrating her last treatment today. She brought Georgetown Cupcakes for the nurses, balloons are tied to her chair, and she has a big beautiful smile on her face. So why do I want to cry? I'm so incredibly happy for her, but I can't help but feel jealous. I have planning my last treatment celebration since I began.

Today's infusion marks my half way point. In eight short weeks I will be the one celebrating.

My Breast Cancer Update: Part B of treatment - 3 of 12 cycles done!

This past Monday I had my 3rd infusion of Taxol, and so far so good. Other than feeling tired, I have not experienced any significant side effects. I have been warned that as I continue I may still develop neuropathy, but I'm staying positive that this portion of treatment will be easier. I have had a little bit of swelling in my left arm and I have been keeping up with my massage and exercise to keep it in check.

I have had more energy these past three weeks than when I started chemo. I have been getting out more and able to be a bit more productive. Let me just say that going out to dinner with my husband is great! I've missed it so very much and I'm glad to be able to handle short outings. My oncologist is pleased with my progress, and wants me to push myself a little more through these last weeks.

I am pleased with my progress too. Although I have my ups and downs, I finally feel like I will be on the other side of "this" soon.

My Breast Cancer Update: NO MORE RED DEVIL!

April 11th was my 4th cycle and final infusion of Adriamycin (AKA The Red Devil), and Cytoxan. Part A of treatment is complete! No chemo treatment this week, so I'm enjoying my last days of freedom. 

Part B of treatment begins May 2nd, and will be 12 weeks straight of Taxol. I have been told by doctors, nurses, and friends that the Taxol will be easier. I'm staying positive that it will be, and will hopefully feel more like myself throughout. 

I'm still not used to being bald. I haven't been able to go out in public with my naked head. I usually cover up with a hat, or a scarf wrapped turban style although I'm not very good at it. I was just telling friends how being bald is harder than I thought it would be. Before, I hardly styled my hair. I actually hid behind my hair, and hardly wore makeup. Now I'm wearing more makeup, trying to figure out my eyebrows, and spending way more time on scarf wrapping than I ever did on styling my hair. I'm sure I'll figure it out once my hair starts to grow back. LOL.

As many of you know, I am a huge fan of music. All genres. With the recent passings of some of my lifelong favorite musicians including David Bowie, Merle Haggard, and Prince, this process has been made extra emotional for me. So far, I have worn my David Bowie Blackstar tank under my shirt to every infusion. Seems silly, but it gives me courage.

I end this post with my favorite Bowie song, that I  listen to everyday. It may seem a bit heavy at first, but I find it empowering and encouraging. If you are feeling down, the message is clear... You're not alone.

David Bowie - Rock 'n' Roll Suicide,

taken from ‘Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars (The Motion Picture Soundtrack)'

Cuff Smart Jewelry Closes Business. No Refunds.

I do not like to complain, BUT I pre-ordered my Cuff bracelet from cuff.io in February 2015. Multiple emails from the company, claiming delays, said they would ship April 2016. I visited the website and found that they closed up shop. Googled them, and found on Fortune.com that Cuff "quietly closed in March 2016."

No refunds!?! Seriously? After the company raised $5 Million? I think Cuff founder Deepa Sood owes customers an apology at the very least.

Current mood = Aggravated!

My Breast Cancer Update: I am a Lucky Girl

This past Monday was Cycle #3. Infusion went well, although I suffered some mild nausea that evening. Tuesday was greeted with more nausea; I spent half of Wednesday asleep and very achy; and Thursday was still achy, but could at least stay awake.

Today, the Friday after infusion, I started my day positive and thought I would be productive, well - productive for me. I got the boys out the door for school, showered, and dressed; I even managed a light dusting of make-up and real pants. I quickly realized that I had used all of my energy, and changed into sweatpants. I even got a couple loads of laundry done.

Those days in-between Monday and today were tough. Really tough. I'm an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like crap, look like crap, and don't want to do crap. I feel terrible, like I'm neglecting my family, my dog, myself. No matter how bad I feel, I'm constantly reminded of how lucky I am. Every single day we have family, friends, and neighbors reaching out and showing support. I receive emails, texts and cards of encouragement, flowers, uplifting gifts, meals for our family... the list goes on and on. The love is truly appreciated and keeps me smiling, even when it's difficult. I am so lucky to have strong women in my life who are fellow warriors of breast cancer and offer support, advice, or just an ear. I am lucky to have angels in my life who have been caretakers of someone with cancer, who understand how difficult this bump in the road is for myself and my family. It's just a bump for me, and I will get on the other side. I am lucky to have friends who have arranged for dinners to be delivered to my family on weeks that I have treatment. I am lucky to have friends who want to go with me to infusion and help me remember that I'm not alone. I am lucky to have friends who want to come by the house for a short visit, or to get me out of the house for a couple hours, and help me feel more like myself.

I am lucky that I am one infusion away from being finished with Part A of treatment! I have a week off before infusion #4, and I am lucky to be able to savor it.

I am lucky to have a nice shaped head like my Pops.

I am lucky to have a wonderful Mother.

I am lucky to be friends with this fellow Warrior, since 1st grade. 

I am lucky to be friends with this Angel, since high school.

I am lucky that a lovely neighbor dropped off a delicious cake.

I am lucky to have shared unfortunate haircuts with my brother.

I am lucky to have friends such as these lovely ladies...

and this beautiful friend...

and these great friends...

and this brother-from-another-mother...

and the greatest most supportive husband a girl could have...

and the many, many more of you out there who are helping me get through.

I love you all.

xo

My Breast Cancer Update: Second Cycle + Logo Design

Yesterday morning I woke up to more little hairs from my head left on my pillow.
"Hair today. Gone tomorrow." Did I call it, or what?

Memaw knitting, of course!

Second Cycle Infusion went well. I was lucky enough to be there as a physical therapist was making her rounds, so I received a nice neck and shoulder massage for about 30 minutes. That was a treat. Memaw was with me, keeping me company, and hubby was in an out with work errands and made a lunch run. Otherwise, I just sat in my comfy chair for hours... reading, checking emails, Facebook, and yes, taking selfies.

I received the normal infusion of the steroid, and my home dose was dropped down to just one pill the morning after. I have been awake since 2:30am, so I went ahead and took the pill at 6:30am. Hopefully it will run through my system quickly, and I'll manage any nausea with Zofran along the way. I pulled myself together and got outside in this beautiful weather for a walk, and stopped in to see friends and their newborn. So... so far, so good. Just a bit tired, but can't rest.

With hat?

Without hat?

Today I ordered a good set of hair clippers via Amazon. They will be here Thursday, and this buzz cut of mine will get serious! A friend and work colleague who also battled breast cancer told me that she never lost her eyelashes, eyebrows, or leg hair (that part is unfair). And one of my besties said that her eyelashes and eyebrows were the last to go. Needless to say, everyone reacts differently. I went ahead and purchased real hair eyebrows, stencils, makeup and more. I also treated myself to several scarves and hats, as well as being gifted a beautiful designer scarf from dear friends. I figured I'm saving money not going to the hair salon or getting mani/pedis, right? I already have the oversized sunglasses, so I'll be set for my Vogue cover shoot circa 1976.

As I was lying awake in bed early this morning, I was thinking about the logo that I've been using for these updates. I originally designed it several years ago for a client's meeting publication. I repurposed it for this blog because it perfectly shows how this breast cancer and chemo process feels to me. It's kinda three parts. The first part being before diagnosis. The second part, where I am now, the unravelling and being taken apart in surgery and recovery, then chemo treatments. The third part is being put back together better and stronger. One thing that this process has taught me is that I really didn't know anything about breast cancer and chemo before going through it myself. When family, friends, and neighbors had battled any cancer in the past, I really did not know how to help, what to do or say. I'm still figuring it out, but I know for sure that I will be a better caregiver, family member, and friend because of this.

As and end note. I would like to send lots of love and positive energy to the people in Brussels. You are in my thoughts.

My Breast Cancer Update: Hair today. Gone tomorrow.

It's the first day of spring and I am preparing myself for my second chemo session tomorrow. I worry myself about how I will feel this upcoming week. The doc is tweaking my meds this time around, a lesser dose or none at all of the steroid. Hydrating as much as possible and making sure I have all the things that I think I will want to help comfort myself. My mom is back in town to help out as well, so I am hopeful that it will be much better than after the first chemo treatment. 

I have also been having vivid dreams about chunks of my hair falling out. I know it's bound to happen at any moment, and no matter how much I try and prepare myself for it... I'm not ready. Chemo can cause hair loss all over your body - not just the hair on your head. Eyelashes, eyebrows, and other body hair may fall out. C'mon! Seriously!?! I have been watching YouTube tutorials on drawing on eyebrows and putting on fake lashes. I apologize in advance if I look like a freak for a while. I have never been good with my eyebrows, AND I never knew how cold I could be until I shaved my hair.

So tonight I distracted myself by making dinner for the family. Well, two different dinners really. One with meat for the boys, and one without for hubby. Now we are watching our beloved Washington Captials fight off the dreadful Penguins. After the game I will recheck my bags for tomorrow before relaxing to bed.

Wish me luck. :)