You Only Live Once

(Ross says I look like a hip-hop chipmunk.)

This past weekend marked 2 years since my breast cancer diagnosis...

and 1 year since my last blog post. 2016 was a year of treatments... surgery, chemotherapy, tamoxifen. 2017 was a year full of recovery, thoughtfully rebuilding my body, mind, and soul. Now 2018, I’m finally feeling like myself. This year I plan to focus on myself and personal goals. Family, friends, art, projects, and possibly a novel. 

Tamoxifen 

So far, so good. I had a difficult time through the past summer with hot flashes. Knowing that alcohol triggered them, I cut it out completely. BAH! It sucked, but a lot less than hot flashes. Then in late July/early August we were in Italy. It was incredibly hot, and all I wanted was a cold shandy, so I did. I rationalized that the heat was so intense, I wouldn't know if I was having a hot flash or not -- it was that hot! Thankfully I was right, and was able to enjoy a delicious and refreshing Peroni Lemon Chill.

You Only Live Once 

Although I understand the concept, I don't believe this statement. I think that I have had several lives - childhood, young adult life, life before kids, life with kids, DC life... life before breast cancer, and after. Living like I want to make something out of my time here on Earth, now that's special, and it may take me a few tries, a few different lives.


Anyone can change their life at any moment... Isn't that amazing. We have the option to be the person we want to be. I understand there are obstacles from time to time, but if I surround myself with people who lift me up, I know I can do anything. The joy of supporting others also lifts me up. Friendship should be easy, otherwise I think it's something else.

My Breast Cancer Update: 1 Year Later

(hair growth 6 months after last chemo)

Yesterday marked 1 year since my breast cancer diagnosis.

I could drone on and on about the ups and downs of the past year, but I won't. Instead I will count today as my new year's day, reflect on the blessings of 2016, and look forward to a wonderful 2017. I will continue to limit time spent on social media like Facebook, and do my best to spend more face time with friends and loved ones. I will try to buy less, and give more. I will challenge myself with a few new personal projects, and support my family in their individual goals. I am truly looking forward to this year and what it has in store for me. I am feeling great and getting stronger and stronger everyday. AND LOOK!!! I have hair on my head! I'm not sure what to do with it... I'm just so thankful to have hair. 

Tamoxifen... 

The saga continues. I still have achy legs from time to time, especially first thing in the morning and after sitting for a long period of time, like in the car. I'm getting used to this, which stinks, I know. I've also learned that too much alcohol or caffeine triggers hot flashes. Boo! So if I drink, which is rare now, I only have 1-1 1/2 glasses of wine; or 1 cup of coffee. Jim and I shouldn't have that second cup of coffee!

I am not special.

My breast cancer is not unique. I fought a battle that many people before me fought, and many more people will continue to fight. Although it would have been nice to not have to get breast cancer in the first place, I am thankful for the experience. I have a couple follow-up appointments with doctors next month and will keep you posted. 

SaveSaveSaveSave

My Breast Cancer Update: 4 weeks Post Chemo

The Emotional Rollercoaster Continues

Of course I wanted everything in life to go back to normal immediately after chemo treatments. My hair should magically grow back, and my energy level should sky rocket. Sadly, none of this happened. In fact, I just want to hide away most days and wait to reveal myself once I look a bit more like my old self. But that's just the problem... I will never be my old self again. I have evolved, and I'm still trying to figure out who it is that I am morphing into. 

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”

― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

In the meantime, I have been gaining energy every week, and pushing myself to do more and more every day. Even if it is making the bed, doing a load of laundry, making dinner, or vacuuming - the little victories matter to me. I have found myself craving to be creative again, and I hope to feed those cravings as I get stronger and more confident. I look forward to it.

I have an appointment with my Oncologist this week, and hopefully she will clear me to eat sushi and get a mani/pedi. It's been way too long that I have had to go without. I will also get started with Tamoxifen that I aim to take for 5 years. I'm a bit nervous about the side effects, but will deal with it as it comes up. Baby steps. I have scheduled the surgery for my medi-port to be removed on August 31st... the day after my birthday, which may limit the celebrating on my actual birthday - but I'm ok with it. I just want to get it out. Then in September I will follow up with both of my surgeons. Autumn cannot come soon enough. I'm so ready to get this year over with and keep on keeping on.

Give me another week and I'll post some pictures of my peach fuzz head. Maybe my first art project will be to put a collage together of my hair growth photos. 

My Breast Cancer Update: Being Positive.

I am slowly learning that being positive is not only about projecting a positive attitude. Being positive is also about choosing to see the good in life. Through my family and friends and the power of encouragement I know that things are getting better.

Weekends are for fun and time well spent with family and friends. I try to enjoy myself, but it can be difficult when I know that Monday I have another infusion. This past weekend I met my new nephew who was born just a couple of weeks ago. Although I wish I had more energy now so I could be more helpful, I am super excited that this chemo nonsense will be an old memory by the time I am able to have some real fun with him. I am already imagining Auntie outings with him.

So as I type this from my 10th of 16 infusions, I am doing my best to stay positive. I am well over the half-way point, and I will continue to push towards the finish line.

Much love to you all.

My Breast Cancer Update

“It is fun to be alive. It's a hell of a lot better than being dead.”
― Joe Strummer

OK. So it feels like I'm being taken apart, but I'll be put back together - better and stronger. It may not feel like fun now, but I know things could be worse, and things WILL get better.

An update:

The week between Christmas and New Year's Eve, I found a lump in my left breast while showering. I wasn't doing a self-exam, just showering, and there it was. I freaked and made an appointment with my doctor for the following week. 

1/5/16 - My doctor seemed optimistic that the lump was just a cyst, but still wanted me to have it checked out further. 

1/21/16 - I have an ultrasound... Then my first ever mammogram. After reviewing the mammogram, I was asked if I could do a biopsy on the mass that same afternoon. Then my first ever biopsy and another mammogram.

1/26/16 - I received the call that the biopsy did test positive for breast cancer. 

1/29/16 - I meet with surgeon option 1.

2/1/16 - I meet with surgeon option 2. I also meet with a genetic counselor and have lab work done. I tentatively schedule surgery for the following Tuesday.

2/3/16 - I have my first ever MRI. I meet with plastic surgeon. Tuesday surgery for bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction is scheduled. 

2/4/16 - I have fitting for post surgery camisole. 

2/5/16 - Pre-surgery lab work at the hospital.

2/8/16 - Pre-op appointment with plastic surgeon.

2/9/16 - 8:30am arrival to hospital for surgery. I told the anesthesiologist that I didn't want to know anything, feel anything, or puke anything. Surgery was began around 11am, and ended about 6-7 hours later. All went well. 

2/22/16 - I have my first appointment with the oncologist. We come up with a 2-part plan for chemotherapy. Part A begins Monday, March 7 and will be every 2 weeks for 4 cycles. Part B will follow every week for 12 weeks. 

TODAY is 2/27/16. It's been a little over 2-1/2 weeks since my surgery and I'm feeling better and stronger everyday. My energy level is still up and down, and I get emotional at times. Things have happened very quickly, which I am thankful for.

Since my family and I started this journey, we have received an overwhelming outpouring of love and support from friends and family near and far. I can't imagine how I could ever express my sincere gratitude to everyone, but if you know me - you know I will try my best to thank every single one of you personally. 

My motto that I've adapted from a very dear friend: 

It's not going to kill me... it's just going to suck for a while. 

I plan on using this old blog to update everyone on my progress... a journal of sorts. 

Thank you again for all the love. I send lots of love and positive vibes back to you all.

Without you, I'm not sure I could feel as positive as I do that everything will be ok.