The Emotional Rollercoaster Continues
Of course I wanted everything in life to go back to normal immediately after chemo treatments. My hair should magically grow back, and my energy level should sky rocket. Sadly, none of this happened. In fact, I just want to hide away most days and wait to reveal myself once I look a bit more like my old self. But that's just the problem... I will never be my old self again. I have evolved, and I'm still trying to figure out who it is that I am morphing into.
“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”
― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis
In the meantime, I have been gaining energy every week, and pushing myself to do more and more every day. Even if it is making the bed, doing a load of laundry, making dinner, or vacuuming - the little victories matter to me. I have found myself craving to be creative again, and I hope to feed those cravings as I get stronger and more confident. I look forward to it.
I have an appointment with my Oncologist this week, and hopefully she will clear me to eat sushi and get a mani/pedi. It's been way too long that I have had to go without. I will also get started with Tamoxifen that I aim to take for 5 years. I'm a bit nervous about the side effects, but will deal with it as it comes up. Baby steps. I have scheduled the surgery for my medi-port to be removed on August 31st... the day after my birthday, which may limit the celebrating on my actual birthday - but I'm ok with it. I just want to get it out. Then in September I will follow up with both of my surgeons. Autumn cannot come soon enough. I'm so ready to get this year over with and keep on keeping on.
Give me another week and I'll post some pictures of my peach fuzz head. Maybe my first art project will be to put a collage together of my hair growth photos.
